At the beginning of the month, the most recent unemployment statistic was published. The USA reached double digits while Canada was close behind with 8.8% (as of June). The scariest aspect about these statistics is to think that once you stop receiving unemployment support payments; you don’t count as “unemployed” anymore. Therefore, the unemployment rate might be 10% in the States, but it is even higher in the “real world”. People stop receiving unemployment support but not necessarily because they have gotten a job.

Lucky you! You are still working this morning (you better not keep reading blogs all day during work though ). However, it might not be the case for all your friends. What can you do to support an unemployed friend?

#1 Be there

Losing your job is definitely not a happy moment in one’s life. We spend so much time working that when a job is lost, an important part of our life is lost at the same time. Our routine is disrupted; some of our friends are still at work and we miss the feeling of being useful to society. This is why it is so important to take the time to listen to your friend and let him talk about his pain, anxiety facing the future even anger. If it ever happens to a close friend, make sure to be supportive; to go out and have a drink with him to lend an ear. Your friend might have lost his job, but he certainly doesn’t want to lose the rest of his life.

#2 Pass the word around

So far in my career, I have had three different jobs. Each time, I got the job from “someone who knows someone”. Networking is always important in career planning but it becomes crucial when you are unemployed and looking for a new opportunity. As a friend, talk about him to every single person in your own network. You never know, maybe a friend of a friend (that you don’t even know!) is looking to hire someone.

#3 Be honest

He may be your best friend but you wouldn’t even hire him to wash windows? This is going to be hard but you are better off telling him the truth. If you don’t think that he is in the right field or that he has an attitude problem at work, you should tell him tactfully. Being unemployed is not always a positive experience. It can be a great opportunity to ask yourself if you want to continue with what you were doing.  Perhaps take the time to improve your transferable skills in a specific field. If your friend gets a real picture of the image he is projecting, it will definitely help him in his job search. Since he just lost his job, the point is not to hammer him with all the negative points. Make sure to tell him what you appreciate about him as a colleague and point out his strengths. You don’t want your friend to stay unemployed and risk being depressed the rest of his life

#4 Lend money?

Aaaahh…. I’m not sure I like the idea of lending money to friends actually. I have done it a few times but only to one person and it wasn’t in a context of unemployment. I think your buddy need friendship more than money. And you will definitely help him more by finding him a new job or helping him getting on the right track for his next employer than supplying money. Once someone said: “Give a Man a fish, Feed him for a day. Teach a Man to fish; feed him for a lifetime”. While money will only offer tempororary support (unless you are really rich!), it may become a source of dispute if your friend remains unemployed. Usually, friends and money don’t make good partners.

#5 You don’t have to follow him

You have to be empathic to your friend’s situation but it doesn’t mean that you have to join him during his “black days”. Helping an unemployed friend is one thing, and you must know your limits. You don’t have to feel guilty either. This is called the “survivor syndrome”. If many people in our personal circle lose their jobs in the same field as ours, we may tend to feel guilty. However, it should not become a personal matter and you are not the one (hopefully!) who decided to lay off your friend!

Do you have any other thoughts about helping an unemployed friend? Did it happen to you? What did you tell your friend?

image source : khalilshah

• The friday gathering for 5/2/2008 Photo by: joiseyshowaa This week I learned about the power of Google and how much...
• Do you appreciate what you have? My teenage son came home the other day.  He told his Mom and me that...
• Teen money management mistakes I've learned a great about personal finance over the years.  Much of it through writing...
• Ask the M-Network - Questions from college and on housing This article is part of the Ask the M-Network series.  Over the past few weeks...
• Geesh, It's only $5.00 - A story of financial peer pressure Photo by: infomatique "Geesh, It's only $5.00!". These were the words I heard uttered by...

Ever ask yourself: “How in the world did I get here?”  If your current situation isn’t a good one, generally there is a huge emphasis on the word “here”. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve asked myself this same question over the past 4-5 years. Fortunately a few of the times have been positive, like when I stand out on our front-deck and see our beautiful mountain view or when I look at my work queue for my blog consulting business that is now booked out 4-weeks. For the most part though, the last 3 years or so have seen that question in a less positive light and particularly with my personal finances.

How in the world did I get here?

I was asking that same exact question in November of 2006: Due to some personal events in my life, I was facing a job loss. For some in the technology field like me, no big deal right?  My problem though was that my finances were a mess:

• I was living paycheck to paycheck. We literally were spending each and every paycheck before the next one came.  I remember for the last few days prior to receiving my next paycheck literally having no money in our accounts and frequently over drafting.  I remember even buying life basics using our already way too full credit cards.
• I had more than 60,000 dollars in debt, not including our mortgage.  This was a combination of car loans, a camper loan, and 3 or 4 different credit cards.  We were just barely able to pay the minimum payments on the credit cards.  Heck, I remember a few times even using one credit card to pay on another!  Can you say stupid?
• We owned a home, but it badly needed some fairly major repairs. Due to how tight our finances were we couldn’t make them.  We literally slowly watched the wooden chimney surround on our house rot away and fall off into the yard along with various other issues.

The only silver lining in our dark financial cloud was that I had been contributing 6% of my monthly salary into a 401k program since the first day I started my professional career.  We did have some long term savings.

What a mess right?  Have you seen the movie The Day the Earth Stood Still?  We rented it from Netflix one evening.  It’s not a great movie, but it did have one very interesting observation about people: “It’s only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve. This is our moment. ”

Was I on the brink?  Oh yeah. Did I change?  Absolutely.

Finding the will to change

At some point everyone “living in the land of stupid” (as Dave Ramsey likes to say), reaches the precipice.  I was there, and here’s what I did to change:

I read

Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking you are the very first person to ever be in a particular situation.  I can almost guarantee you that regardless of your situation, somebody, somewhere is going through your situation (or worse) AND someone in the past has survived your situation.  The best way to get out of your situation and change is to look at the positive actions done by others.  Fortunately for me I found Dave Ramsey’s book: The Total Money Makeover while at Costco one evening.  I also found Get Rick Slowly and The Simple Dollar which opened up the world of personal finance blogs to me.

One thing I learned pretty quick is that just based on the number of debt reduction blogs on internet, I wasn’t alone.  I was not the only one facing repayment of  large amount of debt.  They say misery loves company.  I believe that’s very true, but for me it wasn’t so I could complain and wallow in self pity, knowing that I wasn’t alone gave me hope.  When facing 60,000+ in debt, one thing you really need is hope.

I also dove deep in scripture.  The Bible is literally full of money advice.  If you aren’t sure where to start, read to book of Solomon.  Solomon was the first personal finance blogger and was given wisdom far beyond that or normal man.

I stopped what wasn’t working

Based on the things I was learning from reading, I stopped doing all of the stupid things right away.  We immediately stopped eating out, we cut up our credit cards and  with the exception of buying things we absolutely needed to live, we stopped spending.

When you’re headed down a road to destruction, the first thing you have to do is stop.  While that seems like an easy thing to do, it’s not.  Easy or not, stopping is critical.

Another important aspect of stopping is facing the reality that you are the reason your finances are mess.  Oh sure, blaming everyone else is easy, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.  Go stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself and literally say out loud “You are the reason you’re here“.

Let’s just take a quick example.  Many people today are losing their jobs.  Their fault?  In some cases yes, but for the most part no.  Job losses as a result of corporate cut-backs are just a reality of the recession.  So losing your job in this situation isn’t your fault BUT is not having your finances in order to sustain such a loss your fault?  Absolutely. I don’t care who you are or how important you are to your job, you can lose your job.  As a result, each of us needs to take the necessary steps to shore up our finances in case just such an event occurs.

I took action

Once I stopped and realized that I was indeed responsible for my own financial situation, I took action. I didn’t hesitate, I didn’t dwell, I didn’t roll in self pity crying out “poor me”.  I immediately picked something I could do to start down the road to financial control and did it.  That first step literally cost me nothing but a little time.  What did I do?  I created a budget.

Here are the initial steps we took to get our finances under control:

1. Cut up our credit cards and vowed to live on cash in our checking account only.
2. Created a budget
3. Created a financial plan – Think about it: if you want to head down a new path you better darn sure know where you’re heading.
4. Sold everything we had that we didn’t need and used that money to pay on our debt
5. Created an emergency fund
6. Created a debt snowball

Given I had lost my job, I also aggressively started looking for other employment.  This event also taught me to never, ever rely on just one source of income.  While not the initial reason I started blogging, blogging coupled with my blog consulting work has provided  that backup income.  While it doesn’t earn me near as much as my full-time job does, my side income would pay the mortgage AND put food on the table.  That is very comforting.  Investors diversify their investments, shouldn’t be diversify our income?

How in the world did you get where you are?

Are you currently in a bad situation in your life asking: “How in the world did I get here?”  If so, while it’s certainly important to understand how you got where you are, don’t dwell.  Remember also: Only at the precipice do we evolve. You aren’t the first person to be where you are, and you can change.  Changing may not be easy, and the path to getting where you need to be might be hard, but it will be worth it.

Figure out what your first action is and take it.  Don’t think too much, don’t look to far ahead as if you look at things as a whole it may be too overwhelming.  Just figure out the first step and take.  Then the next step and take it.  After all, the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.  Start your journey towards making your personal finances better.  I did and it is one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

Photo by: 0ccam

• Ask me anything: More questions, more answers Photo by: brunkfordbraun Questions have continued to come in from you since I gave you...
• The skinny on credit cards book review One of the perks of being a personal finance blogger is that I get to...
• Why personal finance is like driving a car I drive about 2 1/2 hours a day every weekday. As long as the traffic...
• In Financial Chaos? Pass the Test!! James 1:12 - Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has...
• Ask me anything - The Answers Photo by: goldberg About 2 weeks ago, I gave my readers a chance to ask...

“Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

“After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.’ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

“The man with the two talents also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.’ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

“Then the man who had received the one talent came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

“His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

” ‘Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’ Matthew 14:14-30

The story above was one of the many parables told by Christ during his earthly ministry. A parable was a  genre of oral literature that was commonly used in that day. The story is not to be taken literally in the sense that the event really happened. Christ used parables to explain an abstract idea through the means of the permanent. When reading a parable, it is important to remember that parables were not allegories. An allegory, such as Pilgrim’s Progress, Animal Farm or Gulliver’s Travels, every character or event stands for something in the literal world. A parable, however, only teaches a single truth. Aesop’s Fables are another example of parable literature.

So what was Christ’s intent in telling this story? I think it is pretty clear that God expects us to use the resources that have been entrusted to us and when we prove ourselves with a small amount of resources, he will send more resources and more responsibility our direction.

Do you want a job as a VP of a Fortune 500 company some day? How do you handle your employees in your current job as a McDonalds manager?

Do you want to be debt free? How do you use the extra $10 in your budget each month?

How do you handle leftovers in your kitchen?

I once knew a man who kept an immaculate yard and house. The owner of a local company drove past his house daily. One day he stopped and offered my friend the job of overseeing plant maintenance in his company on the spot. He recognized that this man was faithful in a little and entrusted him with a lot.

We have all been given a different set of resources and it is important to point out that all of our resources are not monetary.

Some have been given many children (like glblguy) and have the ability to make the world a better place through how their offspring are reared. There are some couples who have not been blessed with children, but God has given them the gift of extra time and money and tasked them with the responsibility to use that time or money for His glory.

Some have been given gifts in the area of writing or speaking or leadership. My wife is great at friendship and encouragement. Many of us might not possess any other talent than simple faithfulness – we just keep showing up.

Regardless of where your talents and resources lie, it is clear that God will hold all of us accountable for how we invest our lives.

Picture by: Miss Claeson

• Could be good, could be bad Photo by: code poet This article is dedicated to my Dad who has always been...
• Do you appreciate what you have? My teenage son came home the other day.  He told his Mom and me that...
• The Money Saving Methods Report One of the topics I discuss often here on Gather Little by Little is saving...
• Your life is more important than your stuff This is not a picture of the accident.  This one is actually far better than...
• Ask me anything - The Answers Photo by: goldberg About 2 weeks ago, I gave my readers a chance to ask...

One of my favorite life quotes isn’t from Mark Twain, Buddha, Abraham Lincoln or any other famous historical human.  Instead, it’s from a little green guy who lives on a planet named Degobah. While this little green guy named Yoda from the Star Wars movies is full of awesome and inspiring quotes, my favorite is:

Do or do not, there is no try.

Simple words yes, but powerful meaning they have, hmmm? Okay, I’ll stop talking like Yoda. Seriously it’s a great quote and one that my children can quickly quote as well, as I constantly remind them of it every single time they say “I’m trying”.

How often in regard to your personal finances have you said “But I’m trying?”   Generally that statement is proceeded with some type of statement like: “I’m not budgeting like I should…“, “I still use my credit cards…“, or “I can’t seem to keep any savings…“  But I’m trying…

Stop trying!  Time to do or do not!

If you’re guilty of making these or similar statements, stop trying! The time has come to take control of your financial situation and do or do not.  In my opinion, trying is an excuse that makes people feel better about not doing something they know they should be doing.  Dedicate yourself 100% and do what you’ve been trying to do or stop trying to do it.

I truely believe that we can accomplish anything we set our minds too, it all boils down to how much effort we want to put towards it.  I truely believe that regardless of how much you make that you can live on a budget, you can save, and you can be debt free.  Doing so just requires commitment and sacrifice.  Commitment is easy, sacrifice is hard.

Debt

Maybe you have a large (or even small) amount of debt and you’ve been trying to make a dent in it.  Stop trying and make it happen.  Here’s how:

1. Make a commitment to yourself to stop using debt.  Recognize that you are the problem, nobody else.
2. Cut up your cards. Jesus said we should separate ourselves from our sins as far as the east is from the west.  Why leave temptation laying around.  Cut up your credit cards.  You won’t miss them, I promise.  We cut ours up two years ago and haven’t missed them once.
3. Start a debt snowball. Use the proven process of a debt snowball to pay off your debt.  Most all personal finance experts will agree a debt snowball is the most effective way to get out of debt.  Add snowflaking to make it even more effective.

Saving

Have you been trying to save money, but just can’t?  Time to stop trying.  Head over to ING Direct and create an orange savings account.  Link it to your primary checking account and set-up an automatic withdrawal.  If you’re in debt, save a $1000-$2000 dollar emergency fund, and then stop saving.  Begin applying the rest to debt to your debt snowball.

Once you make your savings automatic, there is not more trying, the saving just happens.  Making your savings automatic removes you from the equation.

Budget

Have you been trying to budget?  Today is the the day to stop trying.  Start budgeting 100% right now.  Download my free budget spreadsheet or better yet purchase a copy of YNAB Pro and spent an hour or so setting up your initial budget.  Start following it today.

Don’t have the money in your budget to buy something?  Don’t buy it. Have an unexpected and unplanned expense? Use your emergency fund (btw a new plasma TV isn’t an unexpected expense).

Create a budget today and start controlling your money rather than it controlling you.  What?  Budgets are for weak or geeky financial types?  Wrong. Every successful corporation I have ever worked for has a budget.  Read the Millionaire Next Door and you’ll find that even rich people live on budgets.

Make a commitment

Is there something you’ve been trying to do for a while but you just can’t seem to make it happen?  Make a commitment to yourself today to stop trying and do or do not.  Determine what it is that’s keeping you from doing and eliminate it.  Even better, share your commitment with someone or share it below via a comment.  When you make a commitment to others, it makes you significantly more likely to go through with it.  That’s referred to as accountability.

What have you been trying to do?  Make a commitment to do or do not today.   Add a comment and make your commitment public.

• A Guideline Budget - How Do You Compare? I am currently reading The World's Easiest Guide To Finances. So far, it's a good...
• In the beginning This is an article I wrote during the first few weeks of blogging here on...
• Marketing your online business - Part 1 Now that you've started your online store it's time to market it.  Time to make...
• 95+ Money Saving Tips - From the readers! Last week I invited readers and bloggers alike to share (or blog) your favorite money...
• Live 30 days on a budget - I dare you! If I had to name just two personal finance techniques that have literally changed by...

One of the various ways I earn income here on Gather Little by Little is through affiliate offers*.  I made the decision early on before I even monetized this blog to only recommend products I use.  If I don’t use or like them, you won’t see them recommended here through affiliate offers (i.e. reviews and articles).

One software package that I really like and recommend here on Gather Little by Little is You Need A Budget.  YNAB not only helps me personally manage my budget, but is also one of my top performing affiliate programs.

An extra check

Last week, I received an affiliate payment check in the mail from the great folks over at You Need A Budget.  Whoo-hoo! more income for me right?  Opening the check and adding it into my “to be deposited” bin, I had a feeling I had already deposited a check from them this month.

Fortunately, at the beginning of this year I began tracking my blog accounting at a very detailed level.   I opened up my blog accounting software and looked at my YNAB income account.  Sure enough, earlier in the month I had received a payment, but for a higher amount.  Looking back in the history, I noted that I had received a payment in the same amount as the check I just received.  Looks like someone made a mistake.

Two options

At this point, I had two options: 1) Deposit the check and move on, knowing that the good folks at You Need A Budget would probably never even notice or 2) Contact them and make them aware of the problem.

In reality, for me there was only one option, #2.  If someone made a mistake, regardless of whether I have the money in my hand, it’s not my money and I didn’t earn it.  Taking that money and depositing it into my account without earning it to me is the same as stealing, especially considering I was pretty confident it was an error.

What would you have done?  Would you have seen this scenario the same way?

Contacted You Need A Budget

I sent a note to the You Need a Budget support team that read (financial data changed):

I received a check in the mail today for an affiliate payment in the amount of $xx.xx.  The check is dated 3/2/2009 and numbered 1234.

I am not always the best bookkeeper, but pretty confident I deposited a check I received from you last week in the amount of $xx.xx which was the affiliate payment I expected to receive.

I am unclear on what the most recent check is for.  Certainly not complaining, but didn’t want benefit at your expense.

Glblguy
Owner, Gather Little by Little

Later that day, I received the following reply from Jesse, the owner of You Need A Budget:

Hi Glblguy,
I appreciate your honesty. It looks like we doubled up on your payment! If you could please destroy that second check, I’d appreciate it. I’ll void it out in our system.

Thank you so much!

Jesse

On Mon, Mar 9, 2009 at 6:59 PM, YNAB Support wrote:

Yikes!

You have to love honesty though.

Steve

Note, the reply actually contains two emails. One is from the support rep to Jesse and the one at the top from Jesse to me. Two key things stand out for me: “You have to love honesty” and “I appreciate your honesty.”

There are a few things my parents instilled in me at a very young age, and the key one being honesty and integrity. This world and particularly people in it can take away many many things from you, but they can’t take away your integrity.

Interesting enough, Clever Dude had a similar “ethical quandry” last week at the Washington DC metro station.  Head over and read about the decision he made.  I’m sure you’ve been faced with similar scenarios, I know I have: Being undercharged at restaurants, noticing that a cashier didn’t missed an item when scanning, and even contractors billing me for less money than we had agreed to initially.

1 Timothy 1:19 – “Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked.”

Note sure about you, but I have enough troubles in my life without having my faith shipwrecked.

What would you have done?  Ever violate your conscience?  What kinds of things would have gone through your mind when this occurred?  Have a similar story?  Share yours by adding a comment!

* Affiliate offers are purchase services or products that you can buy or subscribe to.  When you click through those affiliate links on Gather Little by Little, the merchant or service providers shares a percentage of the sale with me.

• How To Get Your Finances Under Control - Step 4 Create a Budget AND Follow It! This article is step 4 of the series called How to Get Your Finances Under...
• Our Best Christmas Ever Photo by: Kurt Magoon As I write this article, I am surrounded by boxes, new...
• Ask me anything #6 I give the readers of Gather Little by Little a chance to ask me anything....
• Budget for the recession now Photo by: mugley While the economists debate whether we are in a recession or not,...
• SmartyPig Drops Check Fee and Vonage offers 20% off for Prepayment Photo by: swanksalot I've been out of town for the past few days on a...

For those of you who might not be paying attention, Valentine’s day is this Saturday.  I’m not a huge fan of it myself, but it’s important to my wife and thus important to me.  Valentine’s day is a great time to make a deposit into your emotional bank account.  Emotional bank account you ask?  Let me explain…

The emotional bank account

I took a Stephen Covey 7-Habit’s class a few years back and one of the many things I learned from the class and the great instructor we had was the concept of an emotional bank account.

An emotional bank account is an account that you have with everyone you know, in particular friends, family and loved ones.  You make deposits by doing something nice and meaningful to or for that person and you make withdrawals when you hurt them or treat them badly.  The balance in your account is the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship, the more trust the higher the balance.  Just like a monetary account, you want this account to have a large balance so that the relationship you have with that person is a high trust relationship.

Like a monetary account, it’s easy to take a high or comfortable balance for granted and begin making withdrawals.  Maybe the initial withdrawals are small to begin with, things like: forgetting to say I love, not smiling or maybe being mean, grumpy or short.  Then possibly those withdrawals become larger: fighting, saying something you regret, or forgetting important dates in your relationship.  All of these things can very quickly deplete the balance in the emotional bank account.  Before you know it, the balance is low…real low and possibly maybe even overdrawn.

Much like our personal finance lives, we often wait until it’s too late to change our habits.  For the person living paycheck to paycheck, how often do you wait until you have $100.0o dollars remaining in your checking account before you suddenly stop spending money?  I know for my wife and I some years back that occurred far to often.  We would live “high on the hog” on payday and for a few days after.  Then we would have to live like we were dirt poor for the remaining week or more.  We were so bad we would have to borrow money from our credit cards just to get gas and food.

In your relationships, how often do you wait until the balance gets incredibly low or even overdrawn before you change your behavior?  I’m still guilty of this occasionally.

Valentine’s day

As much as I can’t stand commercialized holiday’s, valentines day is one of those wonderful opportunities to either make a very large deposit or very large withdrawal from an emotional bank account.  I cannot tell you how often I’ve seen men in the local drug store or Wal-mart on Valentine’s day in their work clothes and on their way home buying chocolates, cheap stuffed animals or whatever else they could find.  I’m honestly thinking this may be worse than doing nothing.

For all of you men, it’s not about what you get or how much you spend, it’s about how much thought you put into what you get.  Now, with that said, I’m TERRIBLE at this.  For some reason I really struggle coming up with creative and thoughtful ideas, but I do try really hard.

Don’t confuse the amount of money spent with the amount of thought.  You can’t make up for thought with dollars, or at least not in the long term.  Sure a new diamond ring or necklace will make a wonderful deposit in the emotional bank account initially, but over the long term, like a declining stock, these types of items loose their value.  The amount of thought you put into what you do or give is far more import than how much it costs.

Here are just a few of the nearly unlimited low-cost or frugal valentine’s ideas you can do:

1. Have a romantic evening at home – One year I made CD containing some of my wife’s favorite romantic songs and cooked a special dinner.  We ate dinner together while listening to the music.  I then took her upstairs, where I had sprinkled rose petals all around the bath and lite a ton of small candles and ran her a hot bath so she could relax and enjoy some quiet time without the kids.
2. 12 reasons I love you – Another year I purchased a dozen roses from a local store and taped a small card to each one.  I hid the roses throughout the house and placed one where she would see it.  Each card contained a personal note that provided one reason I loved my wife, a memory we shared related to that reason, and a clue to find the next rose.  She loved it
3. Take the day off – If you work a lot or are away from home often, take the day off and dedicate it to spending time with your significant other.   Go for a walk, have a picnic, head to the local park and sit on the swings and talk.  Opportunities for spending the day together and spending little or nothing are endless.
4. Grab coffee – Head to a local coffee shop that isn’t real busy and has a nice relaxed environment.  Grab some coffee, some desserts and sit together on the couch and just spent some time together.
5. Make her something – Instead of buying something, make her something.  If you’re handy with wood, make her something she would enjoy like a  planter or bookcase.  A friend of mine once shared that the best gift she ever received from her husband was a hand-made valentines card.
6. Write a poem or note – How about just spending some time writing down your feelings?  You don’t have to be Robert Frost to write poetry, and frankly it doesn’t even have to rhythm.  Just write down how you feel, or recant a story about how you met or a time you remember with your spouse that is important to you.

The possibilities here are endless.  Just spend some time thinking through what is important to your significant other, and what would be meaningful to them.  Couple that interest with some sincere feelings on your side and you have a winner!

But don’t miss out on the opportunity to make a big deposit in your emotional bank account this year, keep an eye on that balance and don’t wait until the last minute when the balance is low.  Keep your emotional bank account balanced, and put more in than you take out!

Share your frugal or inexpensive Valentine’s day gift ideas by adding a comment below! Have a personal example of a Valentine’s gift that met a lot to you?  Share that as well!

Photo by: Stumblingthrulifewithgr ace

• Getting started with the envelope budget method This is a guest post from Luke the guy behind Neobudget.  NeoBudget is an online...
• Becoming a saver when you like to spend Photo by: peterme The following is a guest post by Lynnae of Being Frugal.net, a...
• The M-Network Vacation Guide - Low cost summer family vacations Photo by: pinkiwinkitinki Today, all of the members of the M-Network are writing about vacationing....
• Frugal Wealth Building - How To Build Your Wealth Cheaply   2 Chronicles 1:11-12 God said to Solomon, "Since this is your heart's desire and...
• 10 ideas to help you teach kids to save money Given our new perspective on money, my wife and I have been looking for opportunities...

For most of my adult life, I thought credit cards, debt, and living paycheck to paycheck were the norm.  I lived on this assumption not because I actually knew it to be true, but because I wanted to make myself feel comfortable.  I wanted to justify my way of living.  I enjoyed having stuff and buying things when I wanted to.  I enjoyed deciding that I wanted something now and just going and buying it.  At the time, the pleasure was greater than the pain.  At some point though, the pain will surpass the pleasure.  That finally happened to me.

Pattern Recognition

My wife and I both receive a great deal of email.  I’m not one to participate in chain emails or even read the various funny little emails floating around the internet, but my wife does.  She’ll occasionally forward one to me.  The other day she sent me an email that contained the following:

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Assuming you are like most people you had no problem reading that paragraph.  Sure, it looked a little weird but you were able to read it relatively easily.  This is because your brain is smart and only requires the first and last letter of a word to be correct.  Amazing huh?

Along with the email my wife said: “This made me think about how we used to live.  We used debt and credit cards and thought it was ok.  We saw what we wanted to see.”

We see what we want to see

As usual, my wife was dead on.  While it certainly is true that many people live like we did (large debit, paycheck to paycheck), there are many others that don’t.  Trying to justify our actions though, we focused on those that were like us and used their actions to make us feel better about what we were doing.  Misery loves company right?

I truly believe that we see what we want to see.   We are able to filter our view of the world in such a way that we can make a pure mess seem normal.  Much like how our brain views the paragraph above, we are able to view a life of debt, living paycheck to paycheck or even living on credit cards as acceptable.

See the truth

Instead of looking at others like you to justify your actions, take a look at those that are different.  What are they doing?  How are they doing it?  Others, like myself now, don’t use revolving debt.  I only use debt to purchase appreciating assets, and namely a house.  I focus on saving and investing and buying the things I need with cash.  If I don’t have the cash, I don’t buy it.  I’d rather delay my gratification than suffer the pain and consequences of buying it before I can afford it (been there, done that, got the t-shirt, won’t go back).

Take action

If you are living a life of financial crisis, take action now to stop the trend.  Recognize that while you might be in good company, it isn’t the right path to peace and financial prosperity.  Open your eyes and look beyond the people that are living like you.  Talk to different people about how they manage their finances, read the many personal finance blogs on the internet that focus on wealth building and debt reduction.  Follow those people rather than those that are like you.

I once heard the definition of insane described as “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result“.  Are you continuing to use credit cards and spending more than you earn hoping that one day it will just magically fix itself?  It won’t.  Open your eyes, see the truth, and try a different approach.  If you need help, follow my getting control of your finances series or Dave Ramsey’s baby steps.  Don’t make the mistake of seeing what you want to see, see what’s really there.  See the truth.

Do you see what you want to see?  Are you making these same financial mistakes only hoping that the problem will just resolve itself?  Make a commitment today to change the way you see things.  Add a comment!

Photo by: shioshvili

• Should I rent a home? This article is part of the Ask the M-Network series.   Sheila asks: We're selling our...
• Switch to zero percent balance transfer credit cards About 2 months ago I got feed up with my Bank of America credit card's...
• What should I do with tax refund? - Ask The M-Network This article is part of the Ask the M-Network series. Samantha submitted a question and...
• Get Your Finances Under Control - Step 1: Recognition The good news is you already know the first step to getting your finances under...
• Government Bail out fails - That's a good thing Yesterday was most likely one of those days that will go down in economic history....

Patrick from Cash, Money, Life has been writing a series recently called How to Become A Millionaire.  The series is a great read that provides some dead-on information on the basics for becoming a millionaire.  I often read through my the blogs in my feed reader early in the morning.  I then throughout the day ponder the various topics and content I’ve read that morning.  Patrick’s posts have been giving me a great deal to ponder over the past few days.

At the end of his first article, Patrick asks a question that really made me think: What will your millionaire story be?

The millionaire dream

In American society, the milestone for being considered rich and independently wealthy is to be a millionaire.  When I was young, I used to dream of someday becoming rich by starting my own software development company.  I looked to Bill Gates as the example of what I could potentially be.  My dream of course was to not only run a great software company but to also be rich…a millionaire if you will.

While I still have that dream, the reality is that it will most likely never happen. That’s okay as I have made intentional decisions throughout by life that have pushed that dream farther from my reach.  I’ve also matured a great deal and my goals have changed and new dreams have surfaced.  For example, I think I would far rather be writing here on Gather Little by Little than running my own software company.

As it is for most young people, money and financial success were a huge focus for me when I was younger.  I thought at the time if I was a millionaire, I’d be rich!  While I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t want to be a millionaire, that in and of itself as a focus for my life has gone away.  As I continued to ponder this whole topic over the past few days, I gained some significant insight about myself.

I am rich

Sometime over the years, my definition of rich has changed.  When I was younger, rich equated to nothing more than how much money I had.  If thought that if I had a million dollars, I would be rich.  Plain and simple right?  Now though, the equation is far more complicated.  I’ve matured enough to realize that being rich isn’t directly proportional to how much money you have in the bank.  Being rich is how abundant you are.  Being rich is instead about the value of the people and things around you.

As I write this article downstairs early in the AM, my wife and 6 beautiful children are upstairs asleep.  I’m sitting here in my leather easy chair, surrounded by our modest, but lovely home.  I’ll soon be getting ready to drive my not so pretty, but highly reliable, Nissan Sentra to my stable job as an IT manager where I am pretty highly compensated.  I’ll spend time with the great staff I have and then return home to be greeted at the door by my kids yelling “Daddy” and my wife saying “how was your day?”.

I also have great friends, a father and step mother that I have a very close relationship with, and most importantly I have a personal relationship with God and have walked in that relationship for the past 20 years.   Looking at all of these things together I realized: I am not a millionaire, but I am rich.

I am rich far beyond anything I ever dreamed as a child, student, or young adult.  One of the definitions for the word rich on Dictionary.com is “abounding”.  I am abounding.  My life is abounding.  My life is rich with family, friends, joy, and love.  I have everything that i need, what more could I want?  If what I have right now is all I’ll ever have in life, than I have far more than I ever deserved and far more than I ever thought I would have.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a millionaire and have money.  Just don’t make the mistake of measuring what you have in life by the amount of cash in your bank account.  Look around you and you’ll most likely find that there are people and things in your life that are far more valuable than money could ever buy.  The equation of being rich is far more complicated than just being a millionaire.

Proverbs 13:7 – One man pretends to be rich, yet has nothing; another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.

Are you rich?  What are these things in your life that you value?  Add a comment.

Photo by: paulhami

• The Friday Gathering - Life change edition We went on vacation a few weeks ago to the North Carolina mountains. It was...
• The Friday Gathering - Looking at a house edition Photo by: trekkyandy For a few years now, my wife and I have desired to...
• 95+ Money Saving Tips - From the readers! Last week I invited readers and bloggers alike to share (or blog) your favorite money...
• You Never Know What Tomorrow Holds, So Be Prepared James 1:12 - "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has...
• Omaha Steaks - Mail order your meat and save? Now that we live up in the mountains and things aren't just a short 5...

Athletes, musicians, actors, artists, etc. become experts through practice.  Contrary to common belief merely doing something everyday doesn’t qualify as practice.  Practice is time set aside to focus on doing something in order to get better.   For example, in my fulltime job, I manage projects and people everyday, but that doesn’t make me an expert.

This whole concept and distinction of doing something vs. practice came to my attention while reading a blog I’ve been reading for a while, Coding Horror.  In that article, Jeff quotes an article from Scientific American called The Expert Mind that says:

what matters is not experience per se but “effortful study,” which entails continually tackling challenges that lie just beyond one’s competence. That is why it is possible for enthusiasts to spend tens of thousands of hours playing chess or golf or a musical instrument without ever advancing beyond the amateur level and why a properly trained student can overtake them in a relatively short time. It is interesting to note that time spent playing chess, even in tournaments, appears to contribute less than such study to a player’s progress; the main training value of such games is to point up weaknesses for future study.

Effortful study is a concept that involves challenging yourself to learn something that is just beyond your ability.  These are things that you can’t do well now, but with practice and effort you can do.

This whole concept became very clear for me in two things I do in my personal life: playing banjo and Tae Kwon Do.

When I first bought my banjo the whole concept of playing it seemed impossible.  The banjo is actually a very difficult instrument to play due to the “rolls” required.  With a few months of daily practice, I did finally learn them.  Had stayed there though I would have never been able to play a song.  I then began learning chords, slides, hammer-ons, etc.  Each was a challenge, but as I practiced these things eventually came together in the form of songs.  Playing the banjo daily wasn’t enough to become an expert, I had to challenge myself and learn new things.

The second was Tae Kwon Do.  Practice in Tae Kwon Do involves something called forms (or kata in Karate).  Forms are a set of movements done in a particular sequence.  For each belt, a pattern must be learned and performed correctly in front of judges.  Learning patterns forces you to practice your Tae Kwon Do “moves”, not to mention they just look really cool.

Personal finance kata

So how does this apply to personal finance?  Well, if you are looking to improve your personal finances, you’ll need to practice.  As we learned, merely doing something doesn’t quality as practice, nor does it make you an expert.  Here are just a few ideas I came up with that will allow you practice and hone your personal finance skills.  We’ll call them personal finance kata:

1. Read personal finance books and blogs.  When you see a new concept you are doing, write it down and try it.
2. Make a list of personal finance bloggers or authors you admire.  Make some notes about things they do well or things you admire about them as it relates to personal finance.  Focus on you would like to be better at.
3. Pay attention to blog posts like my Ask me anything series or The Simple Dollar’s Reader Mailbag series.  Come across a question you don’t know the answer to?  Write it down and go find the answer yourself.
4. Find a personal finance buddy and share tips and tricks for managing your finances better.  Challenge each other with questions.
5. Send someone that you consider an expert a question about something you don’t know or understand and ask them to explain it to you.  For example, if you have an investing question take advantage of Moolanomy’s Ask The Expert With Larry Swedroe
6. Pick a topic you’re interested in and familiar with.  Think through how the experts in those areas practice and learn.  How can you apply those concepts to your personal finances?  That is exactly what I am doing here.
7. Review other people’s Net worth statements and budgets.  Many bloggers publish their financial details and if you pay attention, I am sure you can learn something.
8. Start a blog or write a few guest articles.  In order to write articles daily, you almost have to write about things you aren’t familiar with.  I usual do this through research and actually trying the idea first, then writing about.

These of course are just a few ideas I came up with.  There are plenty of others, but I hope these are enough to get your mind churning and thinking of ways you can better your finances and begin the journey of becoming an expert.

What ideas do you have?  What do you do to become better at your personal finances?  Share your Kata ideas.  Add a comment!

Photo by: 9GIX9

• From debt to investing This guest post was written by ABCs of Investing - a brand new site for...
• The Anniversary of Lehman Brothers’ Failure: What Can You Learn From It On September, 15th 2008, the financial world almost collapsed upon one of the biggest failures...
• The friday gathering - The creek edition Not sure about you, but here in the NC Mountains we had some absolutely beautiful...
• Surviving an economic recession - Survival tips Just in case you might have been on an extended vacation in another galaxy or...
• Proverbs 13:11 - Gather Little By Little As you may or may not have read on the About Us page, my family...

Who’s watching, Tell me, who’s watching, Who’s watching me
Somebody’s Watching Me, Rockwell, 1984

I love going to church and listening to our pastor’s sermons.  Funny, I remember a time when I would literally count down the time to when church service was over.  Now that I am older and and a more mature Christian, I’ve really come to appreciate the sermon each Sunday and really get a great deal from them.  To be honest, many of the sermons influence articles I write here on Gather Little by Little, and this is one such article.

Two weeks or so ago, our pastor was delivering his sermon and reminded us that as Christians we are constantly being watched, both by fellow Christians and non-Christians.  We are being watched by others to determine how a Christian should or does act.  Our actions set the standard for how others perceive Christians to be.

Listening to this and reflecting on it some, I realized this applies to many situations.  I’m an IT manager at a financial services company and am sure I’m watched by my staff and peers to help determine how a manager should act.  I know I watch my manager and peers for this very same reason.

This concept also applies to our personal finances.  As we begin our financial journey to regain control of our finances people will notice.  The more vocal we are about it, the more they will notice.  I am very open about my financial turnaround.  Most people that know me are fully aware of my loathing for credit cards and credit card companies.  They are also aware I am fairly frugal and always on the hunt for a great deal.  I do blog anonymously here on Gather Little by Little though, otherwise people would know a whole lot more.

I’m okay with people knowing about my finances, at least at a high level.  I’m not comfortable disclosing specific numbers, but it’s not a secret that I had and still have a fairly large amount of debt, until a year and half ago had little to no savings and frankly was on a path to quick financial self destruction.

As I reflected further on the sermon, I began to wonder how many people are not only watching me as a Christian, but how many people are watching how I manage my financial life?  When I tell people I am frugal and then go purchase something that isn’t how does that effect how people view me?  Are people watching me as a model for how to regain control of their financial lives?  I hope so, but it sure does impose a great deal of pressure for me to stay on track and not mess up.

Somebody is watching you

I can almost guarantee that right now, not matter what state your personal finances are in, somebody is watching you.  Maybe your neighbor, a co-worker, a friend, a family member, or maybe even your child.  Someone is looking at your financial life and learning from it.  Let that “marinate” for a minute.

Does that reality change your thinking a bit?  It sure did mine and was one of the many reasons I started Gather Little by Little.  I figured if I wrote about what I was doing and shared my journey with people than I would be far more likely to actually stay on track.  After all, I had to answer up if I didn’t right?

Tips in case you are being watched

Here are just a few tips you can follow in case you are being watched:

1. Make sure you do what you say – This is probably the most important thing you can do.  If you say you hate credit cards, then cut them up and don’t use them.  If you say you save 10%, than you better save 10%.  When we say we do something, then don’t, it impacts are credibility with others.
2. Nobody is perfect – Nobody on this earth is perfect, and for most of us we’re a whole lot further away from perfect than we would like to be.  Don’t ever forgot that.  We all make mistakes, stumble, and even fall flat on our face.  This can occur at anytime.  When you do make a mistake (and you will) admit it.  Share your mistake with others, and share what you learned from it.  I was reminded of this a few months back when I slacked on my personal finances.
3. Talk about your finances and beliefs - I don’t mean tell them how much you make, but talk openly to people about how you manage your finances.  Tell then what budget software you do, how you pay your bills on time each month, how you track your net worth, etc.  People around you will get far more from hearing you discuss your finances than they will just watching.
4. Respect Others – Not everyone is going to have the same opinion you do regarding personal finance.  Some believe in budgets, some don’t.  Others love credit cards and some like me can’t stand them.  Take time to listen and learn from others.  You don’t always have to agree, but always respect the opinions and perspectives of others.
5. Be a great example – Do such a great job with your finances, that others can’t say a bad thing about you.  Let me tell you, this is a tough one, but striving for this can only help.  Work so hard at being financially secure that others can look to you as an example.

Who’s watching you?  What influence does this have on your financial life?  What do you do to help and encourage those that might be watching you?  Add a comment!

Photo by: Seth Tisue

• Simple ways to make money online Making money online, even in today's economy isn't difficult.  But like anything else, it requires...
• The Friday gathering - The joys of home ownership I love owning a home and in general enjoy the challenges of repairing my own...
• 7 Stupid Financial Mistakes I've Made   Romans 8:28 - "...And we know that all things work together for good to...
• Switch to zero percent balance transfer credit cards About 2 months ago I got feed up with my Bank of America credit card's...
• How to get a great deal on a new car - Part III This article is the final part of a series on how to get a great...