Comments on: That old question: Work or stay home?

By: Webhotel

Webhotel — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 17:30:01 +0000

The work at home may be better but it may help only for part time workers. I would also ask my sister who lost her job last year.

By: Mike @ Gather Little By Little

Mike @ Gather Little By Little — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 10:35:01 +0000

We have tried both option (mom and dad working and my wife staying at home while I am working) and I must say that our life is much smoother since my wife stay at home:
- We never get stressed at night to prepare supper, bath, do laundry, etc.

- We spend our weekends taking quality times with our children instead of doing the grocery, cooking for the upcoming weeks and clean up the house.

- Our children have the chance to spend more time with their mother and they still go to the daycare 3 days a week to play with other kids.

I agree with Stew when he says that we cannot all have the choice of having a stay-at-home parent. But when you can, at least try it, you won’t regret it!

By: Stew

Stew — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 02:55:43 +0000

Ha! I’m very glad you aren’t cranky. It is true that I have a viewpoint that I have developed over time. My wife shares that viewpoint – I would stay home with my kids in a heartbeat. But it is our view, backed up with at least a little data, that home with a loving parent is a better place than any daycare or babysitter for a child. Our anecdotal (the three children that my wife cares for) evidence seems to support that view.

By: Courtney

Courtney — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 02:35:52 +0000

I’m neither defensive nor cranky, just firm in my current opinion – I don’t even have kids yet :-) But you have to admit, this is not the only post where you have presented strong prejudices against working mothers.

By: Stew

Stew — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:02:39 +0000

Courtney, you are coming across as defensive. :) Make your choice, stick to it and be happy about it. But don’t get a little cranky when you hear a different viewpoint. I believe and I think most studies indicate that it is 100% in the best interests of the child to have a stay-at-home-parent. It is not possible for everyone, I understand that. It is barely possible for us – my wife had to work out of our home and I spend most of my free time blogging.

And, I never said that a person cannot enjoy their job. I enjoy mine a great deal . . . but if I could choose between kids or job . . . I would be home.

My article merely indicated that in the cases of the three families for which my wife provides care, they are choosing career, luxuries and “enjoyment”, however you define that, over the best for their children.

Maybe their kids are just better off with Mrs. Stew ;)

By: Courtney

Courtney — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 20:35:29 +0000

Sorry, but I agree with dogatemyfinances – you routinely come through as judgmental on this point. You comment “At what point do the best interests of the child override your “enjoyment”?” but you assume that it is always, unequivocally, 100% in the best interests of the child to never be in daycare and to have a SAHP (really a SAHM) and that the only reasons to have a two-career household are dire necessity or selfishness (though the quotes around “enjoyment” seem to imply that you don’t believe people actually enjoy their jobs).

Yes people make choices, and yes I hope along with you that they have thought them through. Parents can work and still have meaningful quality time with their children just as much as parents can stay at home and have NO meaningful interactions with their child other than making sure they’re fed and house doesn’t burn down. Your implications that it’s always about the money or prestige or whatever are rather insulting. I think working at something fruitful that you enjoy can make you a better spouse AND parent – some people just function as better people when they’ve had meaningful interactions with adults and/or feel like they are contributing financially to the household and/or doing work that they feel makes a difference outside of the home.

By: Stew

Stew — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 05:24:37 +0000

Dog, see my previous comment. Every situation is a little different, if you think a career or extra money is worth more than being home with your children, you are free to make that choice. Just make sure you think it through.

By: dogatemyfinances

dogatemyfinances — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 05:17:18 +0000

Your judgmental is showing.

There are actually women with, you know, careers, who can’t just up and quit for a few years. I get that your wife isn’t one of them, but they do exist.

By: Stew

Stew — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 02:39:02 +0000

Monroe, that is a good suggestion provided that there is no other solution to a cash flow problem. NOTE: no one here is condemning others who make a different choice. We are not all dealing with the same scenario, just make sure the only factor in your choice is not money.

By: stacy

stacy — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 02:32:31 +0000

stew,
it’s nice to know that there are other families out there like ours with a parent at home. we seem to be a dying breed. i have a son in the 5th grade and he told me that a child in our neighborhood told him that i was “lazy” because i didn’t work outside the home. of course, i knew he was repeating what his parent said. but then my son surprised me and said “he’s just jealous because his mom is never with him”. i was floored. i didn’t think my kids ever thought about things like that. that made every money struggle we ever had seem insignificant. some day i want my kids to say their mom was around and always available to them.