I think my wife is going to work outside the home this year
By Stew
Neither I, nor my wife are all that excited about her taking a full-time job this fall, but she is going to do it anyway. There are a thousand reasons for her to take the job that she has been offered – and a thousand reason for her not to take the job.
For
- The job will increase our household income by almost forty percent.
- The job will allow us to maximize our 401K employer match.
- The job will provide free private school education for our children.
- If she does not take the job, we would have to homeschool.
- The job will allow us to start to accumulate an emergency fund.
- The job will allow us to replace some household items that we have been “nursing” along for several months.
- The job provides a significant opportunity to pay down our remaining debt – car loan and college loans primarily.
Against
- Our two and a half year old will have to go to preschool – the same one in which my wife is working . . . but still.
- The job is a full year commitment with only five days of vacation beyond the national holidays. That’s tough.
- My job is not “9 to 5” – lots of odd hours, weekends, etc.
- I am going to have to do a lot more around the house. A lot.
- We are going to have to get the two-year old potty-trained by September and I don’t think he is ready.
- Our children will have to spend their summers in day camp or day care.
- We will have to purchase a second car and my wife will need to purchase “business” clothes.
- My wife will not have time to be the mother that she wants to be.
I feel like we are being forced into this decision simply because it makes good financial sense. I’m not sure that money should be the only reason to make a decision like this, but I’m not sure we have a choice right now. My wife and I would really like her to be a stay-at-home mother and wife.
I guess we can survive anything for a year.
I hope.
From Glblguy: Readers, what are your thoughts? Have any of you had to make a similar decision? How did it turn out? Any regrets? Add a comment!
Photo by cambodia4kidsorg
July 9th, 2009 at 8:26 am
Looks like there are a lot of extra costs associated with taking the job. Have you determined that the benefits (after taxes…) exceed the costs?
Why is “won’t have to homeschool” in the “For” column? :D
July 9th, 2009 at 8:49 am
Its all depend on the salary. If they pay you enough, all of these cons are vincible.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Stew,
Is this actually going to be just a “1 year deal?” After a year she will stop? If that’s the case, it might make it a bit harder to justify the expenses like another car, work clothes, and child care. Is there an opportunity for either of you to take public transit or ride a bike to work? Do you have any friends that you could share child care duties with?
Also, I’m curious why you say that if your wife doesn’t work, you’ll have to home school? I understand if you’ve made the decision to keep your kids out of public schools, but of course, that is a decision. Unless I’m missing something?
We all make choices based on what we think are best for our families. You guys seem to think that taking on a second income will help you get where you want to go earlier, but you seem to resent it. Don’t go into it with that attitude! Even if you’re not thrilled about it, focus on the positives instead of the negatives. The other option will only bring more stress to the situation.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:16 am
I intimately understand the decision you and your wife are having to make, especially from your wife’s point of view.
I’ve taught full-time for eight years, and desperately wanted to stay home with our son. It took a couple of years (!) of working for God to finally hammer through to my heart that all He asked of me was obedience. The very BEST thing I could do for my children/family was and still is to obey Him. Not only does that model obedience for my children, but He promises to take care of all of our needs if we follow Him. For me, one of those needs was to be sure my children were safe and healthy (in every way – physically, emotionally and spiritually).
So I kept working outside the home, in obedience to Him. Was it easy? Absolutely not, in so many ways, but God gave me the peace that passes all understanding. He blessed me with a job that I loved. He blessed our son and, later, our daughter, with an AMAZING Christian daycare situation. He blessed our household finances. He blessed our marriage…. and more, all because we chose to obey.
If you and your wife have sought God and know that this is the way He is leading you, take heart that He WILL bless your obedience.
One other thing that I learned is that it’s okay to keep going back to God for reassurance that you are doing the right thing. It deepens your relationship with Him; He doesn’t consider it pestering. He looks at it as a way to continue to support you, because you can’t do it by yourself.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:32 am
If this is y’all’s choice, great! Good for you. But don’t act like anyone was “forced” into anything.
If you really feel “forced” you need to think outside the box. There are always more options.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:33 am
After reading your pros and cons it sounds to me like neither one of you wants your wife to work outside the home. My personal opinion would be to have your wife stay home. I am a stay at home mom to 8 kids. My husband works a full time job plus has a couple of side jobs that helps us make ends meet. I also have a couple of little shops on Etsy which have helped out here and there. We have a lot of debt that we are working on paying off. It might take longer with me not having a full time job, but I figure the benefits far outweigh that. Money isn’t everything. We pay our bills and have food on the table. Our kids have me at home. I would have hated to have my mom work when I was growing up. I guess I just have an old-fashioned view of everything. I think kids need their mom at home if at all possible.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:07 am
If you could put it off just one more year… I don’t think you would regret it.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:20 am
i can tell you from experience that the years when your children are little fly by. the greatest gift we gave our children and ourselves was me staying home until they were all school age. we struggled for 9 years and we were often bitten by the jealousy bug when all our friends had new cars, vacations, etc. my husband and i went for years without new things. but now that we are on the other side and i am working part time all of our financial goals are coming into place. if you can hold out until your little one is at least school age then do it. you won’t be sorry.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:30 am
My husband works for a credit union and follows your website. He forwarded this post to me and I had to let you know how tender my heart is to you and your wife. I worked outside of the home for three years. We didn’t have children and for me, it was still a very difficult and stressful time. I worked long hours and felt torn between my job and my home. My husband worked retail hours and there were weeks where we hardly saw each other. He would work a closing shift and be home after I went to bed, and I got up early to beat traffic and left before he woke. We were doing very well financially and had the money to make good financial moves (we didn’t) as well as indulge in things we wanted. Last year we both quit our jobs to go on the mission field. This was an easy choice, but after a year of working to leave, we couldn’t sell our home. The market in our area has plummeted and our home has dropped in value more than 25%.
When my husband took a job (less than 1/2 of what we made before), it was difficult not to go back to work. I had a secure job opening and was welcome, but I dreaded it. It made me sick to think that I would back to same ‘ol routine. Even if our money was better and we knew how to be smarter with it, I didn’t want to be there. After many tears and much deliberation, we decided that I would stay home. We prayed for provision and to supplement my husbands income a little bit, I keep a baby in my home several days a week. He has a single mom and this is has become an opportunity for ministry as well. We are now opening our home up to foster care. We’re nursing along a lot in our house right now, but we’re both happier and more relaxed than we’ve been in years. We have more time together, and now we have time to take in children that don’t have safe places to be. I feel more satisfied and successful being here and helping others than I ever did in my career. I feel more blessed, though our finances are strained more than ever before. It was not an easy choice, and when things aren’t going well, it’s easy to think about all of the things we could do with the money we would have. It’s easy to see work as an opportunity, but we believe that God is honoring the choice we made, and we are constantly relying on His provision (this isn’t always comfortable), and through it we’ve both grown more in the past year than in almost any year before.
I don’t really have any advice, I just thought it may help to share my story. I wish you and your wife the best in whatever choice you make. May you be blessed and prosperous wherever you are.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:40 am
What seems to make financial sense may not be what is best for your family. We are on the other side(our 3 children are grown) and we did end up homeschooling. It was the best decision for our family and the children did not seem to miss the things that we would have been able to provide for them had I worked outside the home. I tell young families that the finances don’t add up on paper, but somehow God provides for us when we make decisions that honor Him.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:48 am
It took me 8 years to get home with my children and I have done everything I can to stay here. Yes, we’ve had debt. Yes, we’ve made mistakes. So what? Money isn’t everything and trying to make a decision like this using a financial rubric is crazy. Material goods just aren’t that important. Like Marcy, my children are getting older, with my oldest being 18 and my youngest having turned 10. Only the oldest can remember me working. Caring for the home and the family is a job. How can she do that job well when she owes commitment and loyalty to her employer? Your job is to provide for the family, her job is to care for you all.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I worked for the first 2 years of my oldest daughter’s life. It’s my main regret. I quit when she was 2 and God was faithful to help us. We could see no way to make ends meet at first. But I just felt so convicted that I was to raise her –not someone else. God was so amazingingly faithful to us. Money came in from unexpected places. We even started tithing at this point – where we hadn’t been able to before (or thought we couldn’t). Five years later our second daughter was born and once again, God came through for us. We ate a lot of hamburger (on sale), rice and beans but it was sure worth it.
Hope this helps!
Blessings
July 9th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
“I feel like we are being forced into this decision simply because it makes good financial sense.” Well, yeah – most people do take on paid employment for the money. Bishop T.D. Jakes has observed that if people only worked for personal gratification, nearly no one would work – we do it for the money.
I don’t understand why a child spending summers in camp or daycare is a problem.
Also to consider: what do you teach your children when you take paid employment? or when you don’t? I know how I would answer this question, but my answers aren’t important – yours are.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Tough decision, man. I’ve done it both ways, and all I can say is the quality of my life is waaaaay better with the wife at home (we have 2 kids) than when she worked even when we had no kids. You might want to consider juggling things another year or two, or looking at other options (can she baby sit a child or two in the neighborhood?) which might be able to change your current answer.
Good luck!
July 9th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
“My wife will not have time to be the mother that she wants to be. ”
This statement should speak volumes to you. No job or “debt free” lifestyle is worth sacrificing your kids’ childhood. You should be the ones sacrificing for the kids…not the other way around.
My life was a lot like Stacy’s and Erin’s. We struggled for many years with debt and jealousy of our “two income” friends, but the rewards were far greater than a perfect balance sheet and credit score. We, as parents, witnesses all the little “firsts” of all our 3 kids. I would not trade my debt to give those moments to a institutional caregiver to enjoy. I may not have a fully funded retirement portfolio, but I also don’t have any regrets….
You can do it. It’ll hard…but it’ll be worth it.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Sometimes God places us in positions such that His will is obvious. It sounds to me like He wants your wife to work outside the home a while. (This, too, is evidence that He is providing for you – Seen the jobless numbers lately?)There may be a colleague of hers that will need her help at some point, or a child that will need her. Who knows what scenario God has lined up down the road? There is something He wants her to do that you can’t see yet. I’ve always WANTED to be a stay at home mom, but looking back over my career as a nurse, I can see my role in God’s plans. Somebody needed to be there for those patients and their families, and God chose me to be part of that. Who am I to argue? It also taught me (and my children) the value of doing the right thing even if I didn’t feel like it. Have faith, Gibble, dear. Your children will be okay. Mom isn’t going to Tibet. She’s going to work. And if they need her, she will be there.
July 9th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
I read that note about you not thinking that your 2 yr old is not ready for potty training…from what I have seen it is usually the parents who are not ready LOL. Most children go around the same time (just like us adults), if you stress about this, s/he will stress. Just bring the child to bathroom and let them know that they are big enough now …start them sitting on it after meals, when they get up etc. My mother had us all trained by 1 yr old, no fuss, no screaming by her , just simply sitting us on it after meals and when she saw patterns, but no fuss if we didn<t do it there. My kids were older, cause I listened to people around me who talked about waiting until the child was “ready”, altho it happend before they were 2 once I started following my mother<s methods. I have seen how many get into a power struggle thing with their kids. One friends son is trained every where but at home (ie at day care and the church). If you are decided, with gentleness, good humeur and persistance (which is a difficult thing for people today) this will happen naturally over the summer
July 9th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I’m sorry you’ve had to re-think your decision for your wife to be home. Hope you can come to a decision that you’re all at peace with.
For my husband and I, my being home was non-negotiable until my youngest was in Grade 1. My husband was laid off for a period and my working was not an issue, because it was our priority.
We didn’t get rich, but we didn’t lack for anything and God took care of us in ways I never would have expected.
Sometimes the right decision isn’t the one that looks the best on paper. It’s the one that you can look in the mirror and be at peace with no matter what the numbers look like. Our lives should be mastered by what is being true to our calling. not what keeps us feeling most secure.
Blessings.
July 9th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Don’t freak out about the business clothes. That’s the least of your concerns.
I have to dress “business dress” to work, and what I’m wearing doesn’t cost any more than “business casual” or “weekend casual” would cost.
Start with black pants – two to four pairs. Black pants are acceptable in almost any work environment and they will go with any color top. I can easily find decent black pants in second-hand stores and you will probably find that too. When and if I have to buy black pants at Wal-Mart, I often find those dress pants are cheaper than a pair of jeans.
Get one pair of black dress shoes to go with those black pants. These shoes shouldn’t cost any more than a good pair of sneakers.
Get five or six pairs of black or black pattern dress socks. They’ll be a little more pricey than casual socks.
Then find five or six classic style, solid color dress tops or short-sleeved sweaters that are machine-washable. At this point, I go usually retail and pick out various colors of whatever tops are cheapest at department store web site. Don’t get trendy patterns. Get classic solid colors with modest neck and sleeve designs. They do exist. Dress tops are more expensive than plain T-shirts — but you would be surprised how comparable the price is to other casual attire on the retail level. Look at the cost of those licensed sport T-shirts, for example!
Finish this look with any favorite jewelry she already owns – a nice watch, a funky or pretty necklaces, classic style earrings.
If you have a business bag, you don’t need a separate purse.
Then if you absolutely need suits and dresses, then pick black or brown jackets and skirts. You want foundation pieces that go with any color top. But I find that one is usually pretty high up in the corporate food chain before a business suit becomes mandatory attire.
July 9th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I found work clothes are best found at the local thrift store/goodwill.
Working outside the home is a decision that is made by each couple. No matter which way you make it, others will tell you it was the wrong decision.
Make a prayerful decision based on your circumstances and then make the best of it.
July 9th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
last i checked public school is free
July 9th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
We made the decision for me to stay home and raise our 6 kids. We were incredibly frugal and incredibly happy. I became the neighborhood mom for the entire block and developed relationships with all of the kids. Now that I’m almost 60, I look back and these were the happiest, most contented days of my life. The children have happy memories of days filled with joy and sharing with the people they love. The years of childhood slip by quickly and can never be retrieved.
My mother had a saying….Quiet down cobwebs, Dust go to sleep, I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
Neither do the inquisitive 5 year olds or adventurous 10 year olds or even the angst filled teenagers. They all need to know there is a solid, steady person that is waiting to answer all questions when they arise, not “when I get home”.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Stew, I agree with Granny Annie & Damsel. I work outside the home and found a wonderful, Christ centered daycare situation for my 3 yr old daughter. She LOVES being around other kids and they potty trained all their kids when they reach the age of 2 – this is when peer pressure was a good thing. And she knows more of her basics (colors, shapes, numbers, letters, good manners) than her 2 nieces {same age} who have stay at home moms. Plus this job could turn into a temporary situation (you never know).
Like Granny, I think God is leading you this way but you cannot see His purpose yet. Stick with it. Opportunities don’t just ‘fall into your lap’ … it is God’s way of leading you.
We’ll keep praying for you.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
You are very smart to make lists and compare. Smart to put this out there and read what your readers opinions are. As a mom of 5 children 3 are out of the home, married and raising their own families. I still have 2 in the nest. I have worked out of the home and currently I am employed but I work from home. I can tell you honestly the person who benefits the most from me being in the home…my husband. The children love it and I do too, but my husband is the one that comes home after a long day at work and is greeted by my open arms and heart so full of appreciation for the sacrifices he makes for our family. If you can…I would say do everything you can before she begins to work outside of your home. It is very hard to reel it back in when you get used to the extra money and I would like to remind you, you will spend it if you have it. You will always spend what you make…but sometimes if you only have one income you find very creative ways to economize and do with less.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Perhaps you could look at it more like an adventure and less like a disaster? If it’s only for a year, try it out! It might be fun.
I also think preschool and summer camp should be on the “pro” list instead of the “con” list.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Thank you, first of all, for being so open. I’m not going to tell you what I think you should or shouldn’t do, because I have no idea.
Which option do you have the most peace about? Set aside circumstances, emotions, and pros & cons for just a few minutes, and look for where the peace is. That kind of peace that doesn’t necessarily make sense in comparison with your situation.
“Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:16-18 emphasis mine)
Where are your eyes? Are you basing this decision on your circumstances, or are you basing it on what you truly believe to be God’s leading? I have NO idea what that is, nor do I think either one is “right” or “wrong” in the absolute, moral sense.
I do, however, believe that as long as you can look beyond your circumstances, empty yourself of the “what-ifs”, and just listen for his Voice, you’ll have your answer in no time. I want to encourage you to set aside the lists and outward situation for a little while, and just let God talk to you.
He promises that if we trust him with all our hearts, and put aside our understanding in acknowledgment of his sovereignty, he’ll make the answer crystal-clear to you. (Prov. 3:5-7) You’ll know which path is the right one for you to take. You’ll have peace about it, inside, unshakable and undeniable.
Then, you’ll just have to do it.
Praying for you. :-)
(And by “you” I mean “you and your wife”. Just to be clear.) :-)
July 9th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
I noticed that all the reasons you wanted her to work were for material possessions and things and all the reasons for her not to work were relational…human being, eternal stuff…I don’t have the answer for you. This was just an observation I made.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Thank you all for your observations and advice…..it is always nice to hear other perspectives. I think God uses others to show us His way many times.
Sir Jorge, public school is free, but not an option for our family. We desire for our children’s education to back up the Biblical principles that we are teaching them at home. That is just our personal choice–and it does cost more money; but we are willing to factor that in! :-)
One more clarification–I have worked outside of the home on 3 other occasions since we have been married. And I have been miserable each time……but our housing situation (see previous posts from Stew) has caused more financial strain this time. That is the only reason we are considering it yet again.
Thanks for your prayers for wisdom!! We need them. :-)
July 9th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
I like your careful consideration of this situation. I use the three P’s…Prayer, Patience and Priority when having to make a big descision such as this one. We know of several moms who have had to go back to work, so it is not unusual and it sounds like your situation can be for a season, which would be desirable.
Maybe, you could start a home based business which could build up over the years and allow Mom to stay home for good and still have income coming in if and when she quits again.
My only other advice for those in this situation is to put your budget on an allowance system, cut back on expenses while at the same time increasing income. Most people want to increase income but the real progress is made when a combination of both is achieved. If you need more information on implementing an allowance system for your budget visist http://www.theallowancesystem.com. It really is a good Ebook and a fairly painless approach to budgeting and managing money.
We have done the allowance system and home based business, and that has allowed Mom to stay home all these years and our oldest is now 9.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
There’s a lot of expenses associated with the mom working outside the home. Without knowing exactly what their debt is, I am not seeing the driving need, unless it’s also coming from her personal desire to pursue her career outside the home. This is not a small decision; we mothers at home can do a lot to save our husband’s income by being frugal — thus essentially contributing income to the household. I hope they can reconsider.
July 9th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
A job with five days of vacation time? Oh, dear…that’s inexcusable.
If I were her, from Day 1, I’d be looking for a better job. Surely she can find something that’s a little more compatible with motherhood. Is there any chance of getting the training needed to be a teacher? Even though teachers spend the summers working for free (doing prep work for next fall!), at least most of that work can be done at home.
One advantage of working that younger women don’t appreciate: it builds credit toward Social Security benefits. Our government (reflecting the prevailing culture) does not regard caring for a home, a man, and children as productive work, and so it places no monetary value on these activities. As a result, a woman who has spent her childbearing years at home arrives in old age at a huge disadvantage. Even though I now earn a decent salary, my Social Security benefits will be a fraction of ex-husband’s and semi-demi-exboyfriend’s (he who retired in his 40s!) because my earnings record shows several years of 0 income.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:14 am
Much to think about! Good luck with your family’s decision.
What happens if your child is sick and needs to stay out of the daycare?
What happens if three months in, your wife working is NOT working for your family at all and she has to resign?
You mentioned your wife will work at the daycare…will she get to interact with your child during the day, or will she be in another area?
Are you planning on doing this for one year and then stopping, or is this indefinite?
Best wishes with it all!
July 10th, 2009 at 1:23 am
I think most of the basics have been covered by the comments listed up until now.
Can you start a preschool? If you are homeschooling your children, you can start a small preschool for your wife to run. She would generate income and be able to stay at home with your children. Not sure how it would impact vacations though :) It would also solve the issue of SS credits if it will be here in 20 years :)
Every family has to make the decision that is right for them. Don’t make it for the wrong reasons though. If you feel forced into the decision you won’t be happy about it. Make a decision and embrace it. Enjoy it. If you don’t think you can happy about the decision then you shouldn’t make it.
Rarely does choosing the lesser of two evils make you happy.
July 10th, 2009 at 1:56 am
I’m glad she is willing to take the job and see where it leads. It might be the best thing ever and a wonderful time of growth for your family, the children might flourish in their new school environment…your family life might be enhanced if you’re not feeling trapped by mounting debt.
Maybe it would help if you could establish some financial goals for this year (like pay off your biggest credit card, pay off a car loan, or begin to rebuild your emergency fund). As those goals get met re-evaluate if she needs to continue beyond this year. This job could be a means to an end: being a stay at home mom again! :)
July 10th, 2009 at 1:58 am
Also…(sorry – I’m double dipping in the comment area!!)
The clothing tips were right on!! I am going to use some of those!
July 10th, 2009 at 9:35 am
re: Lori Alexander’s comment on July 9th, 2009 at 4:36 pm pretty much sums it up.
So what’s more important – the material possessions or the relational and eternal possessions?
Remember the rich young ruler in Luke 18:20-24.
On Christ, the solid rock I stand. God Bless!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
You don’t get this time back with your children. I am so not a fan of preschool and having to send kids off to camps, etc. b/c both parents are working. Having financial goals of being debt-free, etc. is honorable but, like us (SAHM/homeschooling family) and many others, it is possible to slowly work toward these goals and keep focus on family and relationships. Plus, there are more costs associated with two parents working full time than currently listed on your chart. Food costs will rise, stress will augment… in making this important and life-altering choice, please be totally honest with yoursleves about all the other “hidden” cost associated with this decision. I understand that it can be tough when you don’t always see how you’ll meet certain needs but I certainly have experienced God’s faithfulness in this area.
July 10th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
As a kid, I had a much more fun time at day camps and pre-school than I can imagine my mom could have provided. I don’t get why parents get so hung up on sending their kids off into the world away from their care — kids love to play with other kids, why is this really a negative?
Other than that, this is a very difficult decision for each family. Best of luck with whatever choice you proceed with.
July 10th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
This may sound silly but ask your children how they feel too. Even young children can express their feelings about mommy being gone to work. Please do factor in their feelings. They matter more than any numbers on a piece of paper.
I babysat a friend’s two year old today. Now I’ve known this little girl all her life. We live two doors away from each other. When her mom left her here this morning though she cried for an hour because she just wanted her mommy. I sat and rocked her and consoled her until she fell asleep in my arms. When she woke up she just wanted me to hold her. Then she asked for the next two hours repeatedly when is mommy coming to pick me up. Having been a SAHM for 15 years my heart ached for this little one. Children need their mamas it’s how God meant it to be. I’m not saying they can’t enjoy playtime with other little children too. However when they are little they need their mommy. Cuddle time. Reading stories together. Walking to the park together. Honestly they still need this even when they’re teenagers. Maybe even more. I just can’t see anything we’ve “missed” out on in the last 15 years as being worth more than my children. And that includes retirement savings. Who knows if we’ll even still be walking this planet when that money comes into being used. So is it worth it to plan for tomorrow by missing out on today? (just to be clear I’m not say neglect future planning completely) What we do know is today we are parents…so that is our priority. The Bible says it best, “let today’s worries be sufficient for today.”
It seems that you have a lot of reasons that make this sound like a financially motivated move only. And for your wife to say other attempts at jobs have made her “miserable”…is it all really worth it? Look for the answer that brings the most peace to your household. This world is difficult enough. Don’t add more to the fire if you don’t have to.
I pray the right answer will be revealed to you. No matter which way it goes I pray for peace of heart to all of you. Love abounding and joy in exceeding proportions. God Bless.
July 12th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Wow, I really feel you on that potty training thing. My two and a half year old is in preschool and moves up to the next age group in September and needs to be potty trained by then. So I also have to potty train a two and a half year old by September even though I know he isn’t ready.
He wants nothing to do with the potty, but the key is consistency. Dad should take him with him to the bathroom whenever possible so he can lead by example. I know it involves a lot of clean up, but any time he is at home he should be wearing cloth training underwear so he can see what happens when he goes in his pants. I would also suggest leaving the pants off–it makes for less laundry and less layers to get through to get to the potty.
Just keep plugging away, you’ll get there eventually.
Good luck!
July 12th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
I would rather be in debt and happy with a family who is happy than to be out of debt, have every material thing, and be miserable with a miserable family. We chose to homeschool and have me be a stay at home mother long before we had our son. He is 6 now and a light in our lives as well as for the Kingdom. I would not go back and trade that for all the money in the free world. My husband made less than 20K when we had our son. I am not going to say that times never got rough, but we made it through as a family and we are happier for it. It not only made us closer as a family, but made us stronger Christians. In the end, material things or lack thereof doesn’t count. The kids probably won’t remember the THINGS they didn’t have as long as they still have the memories of all the family times they DID have.
July 12th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Tough call! The pros seem to favor all of you including the kids . . . they are the most important one in the decision.
July 13th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Have you read, “Your Money or Your Life”? If so calculate what your wifes true hourly rate will be. Factor in all the costs.
By the tone of the post sounds like going back to work for all the wrong reasons.
We have a one year old and wife quit work right before he was born. I do miss the extra $$$ but not worth the peace I know that his mommy is home watching him.
July 24th, 2009 at 12:17 am
I think your best bet still is to stay at home. Especially if you are only getting a 40% increase. Clothes, gas, car, food, etc can pretty much eat that up quickly.
Maybe something out of the home could work better?
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November 18th, 2010 at 12:46 am
Excellent post, extremely informative and helpful! This is a cool site, and I’ve tagged it many places and will be back when I can get more involved. No doubt, relationships are so complex. Personally, my experience is that it’s oftentimes the case that it’s just a mangled confusion of projections and reactions that we don’t know WTF we’re doing half the time. Sorry if that’s cynical.