There’s never a perfect time to have children. True. But there are also times when it is a terrible idea to have children.

My husband is unemployed and having to seek disability for the moment. We’re hoping to come up with some work he can do in the nearer future so that we can pay down some of our debt and move to AZ, where his severe eczema is practically nonexistent.

We owe $6,800 on credit cards (mainly health/living costs since I’ve never worked more than a few hours a week thanks to my OWN health problems). We owe a total of $5,000 to our families, who have helped us out as needed. We also recently found out we didn’t pay off all of hubby’s student loans (long story) and so there’s another $4,000 or so that we’re rehabbing.

Oh, and we have to pay for my husband’s insurance — $502 a month — and in total we make just about $3100 a month. Oh, and our rent is $700 a month. (Any half decent 2 BR, if we were to have a kid, would be $900 minimum.)

So, we’re deeply in debt — considering that, after all expenses, we only have $300-400 each month to pay down debt — we both have health conditions keeping us from working much right now and we make almost no money.

Clearly, our decision to not have kids right now is because we’re not ready to be married. Clearly, what we SHOULD do is go ahead and have kids, get on welfare, never pay down our debts, constantly just barely make ends meet — if that — and give our kid the kind of wonderful environment where his parents are never quite making ends meet, arguing about money all the time, stressed, angry and exhausted. I’m thinking THAT’S the way to raise a kid.

The thing about sweeping statements… They tend to gloss over a lot of details.

And, there is a way to tie the two together:

http://site.shareyournumber.com/

Worked for me!

AJC.

Now, that being said, if I were to meet a man who wanted to marry me, I would not mind at all his wanting to wait until my students loans were paid in full. I wouldn’t expect a dime from him to go towards that debt; however, I can understand how one might be cautious to enter into such a relationship. I would be as well. I think the most appropriate course of action is to sit down and have a serious discussion about our future and plans, as well as, how we feel about money in general. Upon that discussion, then we can make a determination as to whether or not marriage at that time makes the most sense for us.

As to kids, I’m of the opinion that you shouldn’t have them until you can reasonable afford to take care of them. I’m not defining reasonably here because that’s to each parent’s discretion; however, for me, I would not like to be a parent until all debt has been paid, emergency fund is fully funded, and I could leave work and be a stay-at-home mom. Prior to that, I would not personally feel comfortable in the knowledge that I could afford to take care of children. But that’s just my definition and I do not project that onto anyone else.

And how ignorant is the statement “If you say, “We are ready to get married, but not ready for children” then I suspect that you might not be as ready for marriage as you might think . . .”?? There’s a growing number of people who get divorced after their kids leave the nest because they’ve spent their entire married lives being parents instead of spouses. I for one have greatly enjoyed the past 6 years of marriage being a WIFE and not a mother, able to devote time to my husband and building a foundation upon which we hope to eventually raise children in another 2-3 years. To say in a blanket statement that because I currently enjoy the benefits of being childless thus I am not “ready” to be married is ridiculous and presumptuous!

The greatest gift you can give your children is a solid marriage. (The second greatest gift you can give them is not having to take care of you when you are old!)

We had enough for the two of us to live on and for me to start my education. We didn’t expect to live like we were independently wealthy, and we never cared that we weren’t – we just loved each other more than anything (and still do!). We knew our financial situation and were organized with what little we had.

People scoff all the time at the age/stage I got married, and you know what? I’m not advocating it for others, but both us still say it was the right time for us and I can’t imagine getting married a day later. When you find the love of your life, little else matters.

If you have enough $ to get by, realistic expectations about your standard of living and your relationship is strong, don’t let money, or any other factor make your decision for you about marriage. I think it depends about your attitude about money in general – if money sets the tone of your life, and you need a certain amount to be secure, then waiting until you’re financially stable might be best for you. But if you’re like me- money is a tool, and it’s not the primary focus of my life, then basing a decision like marriage on it is ridiculous.

My 2 cents – might be less with the exchange.

Instead, I think about whether a decision is a good one based on whether it was a reasonable assessment of the risks, etc. at the time – and/or whether it was a reasonably informed decision.

Of course, how things actually turn out is also important! FWIW, I don’t know if my approach is better or not (maybe I’m just deluding myself?) – it’s just an alternative that’s helpful for me.

I think somebody with a good financial sense can make any salary work for them. Whether you have $5 on you or $5K. I am more hopeful about teaching my kids to respect and make their money work for them. And I am okay if my children attend a vocational college to learn a trade.

If I was taught with the keen sense of how to handle my finances it would have saved me the ball and chain of student loans (cuz I would of made sure to pay as I go!).