Comments on: Delayed Gratification – A hard lesson for my teenage son

By: #032 — Links O’ The (Mid-)Week | MyMoneyMinute.com

#032 — Links O’ The (Mid-)Week | MyMoneyMinute.com — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 23:06:25 +0000

[...] Delayed Gratification [...]

By: Sunday Money Roundup - The Snow Is Back Edition. | Velt

Sunday Money Roundup - The Snow Is Back Edition. | Velt — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 20:41:03 +0000

[...] Little By Little talks about delayed gratification and teaching his son to save and work towards the things he wants. Great lesson [...]

By: Shari

Shari — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 22:47:48 +0000

I agree completely with your philosophy and it’s not just kids who need the lesson… Our current economic crisis has been fueled by the “gottahavitnow” mentality and supported by the “approved, approved, approved” credit business model.

Although I didn’t appreciate it then (any more than your son probably does now), my mother instilled in me the lesson of deferred gratification when I was about your son’s age. I wanted the “necessities” my friends had–particularly name-brand clothing. I remember my mom suggesting that I save up for new and/or start looking at garage sales for used items of the brands I wanted. I was appalled at the idea, but she left me no other options. I chose the latter…

Years later as an adult, those lessons really hit home when I found myself swimming in debt I could not pay after a debilitating car accident that stole one paycheck from our middle-class Double Income No Kids (DINK) lifestyle. It was a painful reminder of the lessons in financial sanity I had been taught so long ago. It wasn’t easy, but with time, patience and diligence I managed to get out of debt without resorting to bankruptcy and I’ll never go back!

I applaud your approach to finances and credit! One day your son will thank you and you’ll BOTH be that much more proud when he takes you for a cruise in his “Yep, it’s mine, all mine” Mustang!

By: Kenny

Kenny — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 06:35:52 +0000

Delayed Gratification is the ONLY thing that Asian and East European cultures practice. This is how these folks can save 25% to 50% of their salaries.

A lot of these migrants are living in the US and practicing those same rules. This means that some of your neighbors might be in this boat. If you see the cars they drive, but how well they live, it is an indication that they will belong to the “Millionaire Club”.

Operating a life with ’sacrifices’ seems hard for people who do not do it, but for people who practice it, they can call that method ‘Delayed Gratification’. All you are doing is to delay the purchase for a better one.

I have 2 teenagers, and they have practiced this with me ALL of THIER LIVES, and seen that we will get 50% of what they asked for, but when the item came on a ‘deep sale’.

For example they wanted a pair of jeans from Ambercrombie for $140 in Dec’08 and instead we got them 4 pairs of jeans and 4 sweat-shirts from Aeropostale for $40 when they had a sale in Jan’09. Now I remind them if they want to wait or Buy Now, and after having repeated this concept with them with 50 other things (all categories), they are convinced that America is going to stay a very unique place where Buying Now COSTS MORE.

Hope this viewpoint helps……

Kenny

By: Lou

Lou — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 04:26:33 +0000

Have you considered paying him interest? Bank interest right now is too low ro teach the effect of compound interest, but if you were to pay him 6% compounded monthly (ie, 1/2% a month on his bank balance), he would learn the positive magic of that compound interest which is in the saver’s favor. As an effective incentive, this has the benefits of letting you contribute in a way that carries more learning than a flat-sum contribution.

Good luck – I wish my parents (who lived on cash, but were secretive about money – had taught me the virtue of saving as well as the virtue of work.

By: Jacque W

Jacque W — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 16:48:46 +0000

I APPLAUD your parenting!!!!!!!!!!!! I think you have handled this situation so well, you deserve a medal!
The only thing that surprises me is that you are encouraging him to buy this car at driving age. It actually may take him the two more years until he graduates from high school to earn the money. So your good, there. Otherwise, I don’t like to see kids in high school strapped with the financial responsibility of buying gas, oil, tires, paying insurance, and any parts or inevitable repairs that the car would need. There are plenty of valid demands on their time: studying to be able to get into college or the tech school OF THEIR CHOICE & financial circumstances, volunteering so that they slowly become aware that the world doesn’t revolve around them, socializing with both sexes so that they develop social skills they will use all their lives, even family time (which sounds like you have a good handle on) so that they don’t become quite so lost in the adolescent vortex and remember they are also a valued family member, whatever the rest of the world sends them messages that they are or aren’t.
That’s a lot to accomplish in the 4 short years of high school.
Having said that, as you mentioned, the project of a car for you and your sons to work on IS family time. It also gives him something to do that is fun, limiting other fun but less satisfying and less self-esteem building activities like video games.
It would also teach your children a hugely valuable skill, so that they are less dependent on an auto mechanic.
It could even be a social avenue, because any teenage boy who has a mustang in his garage is going to have lots of friends dropping by to see how he’s doing with it.
Sounds more and more like a good idea, actually, as long as you are still deeply involved; not necessarily in turning every lug bolt if he feels strongly about doing it mostly himself. But in just being Dad, loving him, laughing with him, there to answer the big life questions which sometimes are easier to ask when you are underneath a car than when one of you is plastered to the Tv or video game.

By: tightwadfan

tightwadfan — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 20:27:47 +0000

I think you’ve handled this perfectly. I especially like that you won’t let him borrow money for this car and I hope your family will back you up (grandparents can be softhearted). Since you mentioned that you have extra house-related expenses at the moment, I wouldn’t give your son matching funds toward the car if I were you. You need that money for yourself. (this is a good lesson in priorities).

By: CathyG

CathyG — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:08:56 +0000

I fully agree with your decisions, but I offer another option for the lesson about borrowing. What if you had him figure out on a spreadsheet exactly how much it would cost if he were to borrow for that car – paying off the loan/interest, plus buying all the parts needed to work on it. Then compare that to his current level of income each month. Then instead of just declaring that borrowing is a bad idea, use that data to DECIDE whether borrowing would be a good idea or a bad idea in this case.

Like the commenter above who bought a car he couldn’t afford, this would help him learn how to make that decision.

Money is useful as a tool as long as you know how to use it without getting yourself in trouble.

By: The Simple Dollar » The Simple Dollar Weekly Roundup: Spring Break Edition

The Simple Dollar » The Simple Dollar Weekly Roundup: Spring Break Edition — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 14:01:03 +0000

[...] Delayed Gratification: A Hard Lesson for My Teenage Son This is a brilliant example of the parenting process and how life gives us great opportunities to teach values. It’s easy to see here how a different lesson could have been taught, but the author was prescient enough to make a good lesson out of the situation. (@ gather little by little) [...]

By: BobV

BobV — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 02:39:54 +0000

I think you handled it in a terrific manner. I think one of the most important things we can do as parents is to teach our kids about money…. and when you do that, and they learn life’s lessons early on, they are a lot less likely to make the same mistakes we did…. and will be most likely to be teaching their kids as well.