Debt, lies, and marriage – Help a reader out
I received a heartbreaking email the other day from a reader I’ll call Sarah. Her story is all about debt, lies and marriage and she needs some help:
I am very inspired by your website. I think I started crying at my desk when I
started reading it. I am in a extremely large amount of debt. A lot of it is
stuff in my husband’s name that he does not know about. I feel like failure and
a thief. I wonder how I got myself into this mess and how do I manage to get
out without my husband leaving me. I am scared and worried sick. I was able to
make the payments before but it is getting harder and harder and there are lies
after lies. I am scared my husband will leave me. I pray about this all the
time and I am asking God to help me but I feel like my spiritual relationship is
not strong. I am looking for help. I don’t want to lose my family.
What would I do?
Wow, first let me say what a heart breaking story. I can only imagine the torment you must be living with each day and the guilt that must be slowing building up. Thank you for the compliment and while I wish better circumstances would have brought you to Gather Little by Little, I am very glad you’re here.
In my mind you only have one option, to tell the truth. I say this for a few reasons:
- Truth is the only option. Paul writes in 1 Timothy 1:19 – “Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear. For some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked.” I think you already know your faith has been shipwrecked, it’s time to clear your conscience.
- By not telling the truth this whole situation is boiling and simmering deep down instead. The guilt and torment is tearing you up from the inside out. Funny thing about these kinds of things, they have a way of coming out one way or another and the longer you hold it in, the more damage it’s going to do. The longer you wait, the more difficult it becomes and the harder the impact on your husband as well.
If I was in your shoes and had the choice facing me that you do, there would be only one option: Tell him. Will he leave you? Maybe. Will you loose you family? Maybe. In either case, you cannot control what he will do nor can you predict what will happen. You can only control your actions. I think the answers to those questions lie in how strong your marriage is.
If my wife told me something like this I’d be livid, but I wouldn’t leave her. Would I distrust her? Sure, until that trust was re-established, but I love her and would forgive her. We all make mistakes Sarah, we all do dumb things we regret and you are not alone. The bottom line is that telling the truth is the first step in fixing this mess you’ve created and by doing so, you’ll head down the right road.
I asked her if it would be alright to share her email with my readers so she could not only receive a response from me, but from all of my readers as well. I told her how great you guys are and that she should really get some great responses and perspectives from you.
We exchanged a few emails, and folks: she is scared to death and feels horrible about what she’s done, please take that into consideration. Remember: Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Sarah, please let me know what you decide to do and how things turn out for you. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and pray that God saves your marriage and gives you the wisdom to make the right decision.
Readers, I ask: If you were in Sarah’s shoes, what would you do? Help her out by leaving a comment.
Photo by: wheatfieldbrown