Comments on: Marriage, money, debt, and divorce?

By: Mr. ToughMoneyLove

Mr. ToughMoneyLove — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 15:44:28 +0000

I believe the inverse is true: divorce is a major causative factor of subsequent money problems.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 14:22:09 +0000

Hmmm… I wonder how many folks commenting have been through divorce? I’m not throwing stones, it just seems like a lot of speculation on here on why people get one and what happens. I am recently divorced (as of June 5th) and I can say definitively that money played no part in our divorce. I have a few friends going through rough marriages right now and money isn’t a part of their problems either, although I do know one where money is very much the problem. I think the reasons for divorce are as varied as the people that get married.

By: ChristianPF

ChristianPF — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 13:34:22 +0000

@Going Gazelle
great points – I completely agree… GLBL, thanks for pointing this out, I have always touted that statistic that money is the leading cause of divorce, I guess I shouldn’t be so quick to say that anymore…

By: Personal Finance Roundup — Theme Change Edition

Personal Finance Roundup — Theme Change Edition — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 14:59:05 +0000

[...] Gather Little by Little, there’s another article on marriage, money, debt, and divorce. I think that whether or not financial problems or secrets are a main cause of divorce [...]

By: Miranda

Miranda — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 23:50:02 +0000

I see a lot of great thoughts here that I agree with! I would just like to add that one of the things that money can do is provide additional stress. I know that I am a lot more stressed if I am waiting for a late payment on an invoice, and worried about whether it will come in time to go grocery shopping on the day my husband would like. I am touchier and much more difficult to deal with (although I have made efforts to pray to God to help work on this issue).

When there are money problems, it adds to the normal stresses of everyday life and can tend to magnify them.

By: Steward

Steward — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:41:34 +0000

I think I tend to agree that money is rarely the main reason for divorcing a spouse. I mean if you really think about it, it is the crappiest of all crap reasons to leave. But the again I am pretty hardcore on marriage – thinking that divorce is only permissible under conditions that threaten the physical, emotional, or spiritual health of a family and should only continue until the grossly offending party stops being such a jerk – so my input may not be very normal. I also think that divorce should never be final unless the somebody dies before the offending party changes and reconciliation occurs.

By: Bill @ How to Save Marriage

Bill @ How to Save Marriage — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 03:57:26 +0000

You are absolutely right that the real issue is control (and stress), and these both can be solved through communication.

The partner who handles the books (there’s almost always one who has this responsibility) has quite a bit of power by controlling the money and making the majority of the financial decisions. Unfortunately, with the responsibility comes stress — often significant stress.

I recommend that couples schedule regular money meetings so that they can discuss all of their finances. This way both partners have input when it’s time to make decisions, and both share the stress.

So, like you said, communication is the answer. It won’t make the money problems go away, but a couple that communicates can better share the load.

By: Going Gazelle

Going Gazelle — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:10:31 +0000

Money issues and money fights are not about dollars. Money is usually just a means to an ends. Its a very finite resource. Its measurable. Its trackable. It is the easy scapegoat you can blame on the surface for the deeper issues. Why? Because anybody who’s been married 2 days has had a “money fight!”

At the end of the day it boils down to values, goals, priorities.

How does a couple work on values, goals, and priorities? They communicate about them…. Then comes the neogiation skills (more communication).

An alcoholic (or any addict for that matter) values getting drunk today as a higher priority than saving money for retirement, college, etc.

The couple who has complete disagreements about values, goals and priorities.

I tell everybody the best thing that will happen from your FPU class – and that you’ll see immediate results in – is that your marriage will improve. The real magic that happens in an FPU class. Dave defines some value boundaries – “no new debt” – “make a commitment to get out of debt.” He gets couple’s communicating. The baby steps helps couples set goals. The baby steps provide a priority system which you work on the goals.

By: Bettsi

Bettsi — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:47:10 +0000

As one who is currently going through a divorce, I can say that in my situation, the money was a BIG part of our problems at the end. My husband became a very big drinker for about the last year of our marriage and his spending behavior became more out of control. He was spending a lot of money that we didn’t have in order to allow his bar lifestyle. So, while the primary unhappiness in our marriage was his drinking – the damage it was causing our family financially was one of my biggest motivations for getting out. What I couln’t do for my own well-being I was able to do for my children’s financial well-being.

By: Ryan McLean

Ryan McLean — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:02:53 +0000

Great post for me as I am looking to get married shortly (feb 26 actually). More details on how to not make finances an issue in your marriage would be good